Love Guru
by heavenhelpmyheart
Summary: Kurt decides to become to love guru. One-shot. Finchel, Quick, Mercedes/Sam, Artina, Brittana, and Klaine.


**A/N: So this little one-shot came out of nowhere. I'm having unfortunate writers block with Meet the Warblers, and the last 'chapter' of Disturbia is not quite up to my standards yet, so I haven't posted that. So, I grant you Kurt, my love guru.**

* * *

><p>"Can I ask you a question?"<p>

Kurt and Rachel were relaxing on his bed, his iPod between the two, the medley Wes had asked him to make of _The Phantom of the Opera_ and _Love Never Dies_ playing. The first weird thing an experienced eye would notice about this scene would be that Kurt, resident fashionista, was in straight-leg jeans and a faded band t-shirt. The second would be the lack of Mercedes. It was rare that Kurt and Rachel ever spent time completely alone together, due to the fact that they were prone to argue constantly, and leaving them alone posed the risk of one of them killing the other, but Mercedes was at a family event she couldn't get out of.

"Does it involve musicals, or Finn?" Kurt's tone was exceptionally dry, but beyond that he sounded _tired._ Although he had put on a brave face about being voted Prom _Queen_, as usual, Rachel could tell it had taken a toll on him. She suspected it was the motivation for his outfit.

"Why do you think Finn slept with Santana?" In what others would call 'true-Rachel-fashion' she ignored his question, only because she knew his sarcasm was just more protection.

"He was upset, I guess, about you and Jesse. I will admit, though it pains me, that Santana is considered conventionally attractive. And... keep in mind this is all conjecture, I haven't discussed this with him, nor do I ever plan to, but I think he was tired of being a virgin."

"How do you get 'tired of being a virgin'?" Rachel exploded slightly, dropping the rather formal tone their conversations tended to take. "Making love is something that should be saved and cherished, not casually thrown away out of boredom!"

"From a female's perspective." Kurt was very good at keeping calm, when he chose to be. "Think about it from a male's perspective. More specifically, Finn's. He's best friend with Puck, who has banged every girl between 15 and 32 in Allen County. I'm sure Finn's heard a story about the talent of almost every Cheerio's mouth." Rachel suspected he put the 'almost' there for his benefit only, perhaps Quinn's. "I know _for a fact_ that he's heard stories about three- and four-somes. Now think beyond that. How many male virgins from McKinley can you name?"

Putting thought into it, Rachel realized Kurt was right. Besides the boy lying beside her, and a few guys whose history she didn't know, she couldn't think of any.

"Exactly." Kurt took her silence as an answer. "Besides those we categorize as 'losers' and my fabulous self, you can't name any guy that's _openly_ a virgin. So, an attractive girl offers, and he accepts."

"Well, why didn't he tell me?" Rachel demanded, because while she didn't have a right to control who Finn slept with, she certainly had had the right to know.

"Because he was afraid of your reaction, and for good reason. Think about the way you _did _react when you found out-" Rachel couldn't even stand it.

"I would have taken it better if I hadn't found out from _someone else_ and been the _last_ to know!" Rachel stood from his bed and began pacing. Kurt was far too used to dealing with the diva, simply raising an eyebrow at her antics.

"Do you seriously think _Finn_ was the one who told everyone? If you do, you're not as bright as I give you credit for being. _Santana_ told everyone in order to gain popularity. As a cheerleader, having claim to the virginity of the quarterback is the ultimate status symbol. That's what high school is about. You know this as well as I do." Kurt's calm voice and demeanor (for he was still relaxing quite contentedly on his bed) irritated Rachel further.

"You would know, _Prom Queen!"_ Rachel regretted the words as soon as she said them. Kurt's eyes closed, and she could see how tense he was, but his voice was quiet and cold.

"Low blow, Rach." He didn't seem angry, just upset. Meeting her gaze once again, he continued. "As I was saying, Santana told everyone. Most people, myself included, assumed you knew. Finn was scared to tell you, because of how.. sacred you consider sex." Kurt still blushed slightly when he said that. "And how this reminds me horribly of other conversations that have taken place in this room, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, you _did_ have a right to be mad with Finn, but making out with Puck was inexcusable."

"Of course, I'm _always _the one in the wrong here. Why does everyone hate me?" Rachel was becoming ridiculously dramatic.

"I'm not blaming you only. You _did_ make out with Puck, that was _your_ decision, and now you have to deal with the consequence, which, in this case, is losing Finn. And maybe you'd be a little better liked if you thought through what you are going to say before you say it. I'm pretty sure you gave an excellent example of your lack of ability to do so a few moments ago. Or if you do take care with your words, you stutter and overuse the terms 'ah' and 'um.'" Now _Kurt_ was being a bit of a diva, but what he said was true.

"Do you think there's ever a chance for us to be together?" The diva had completely left Rachel, and she sat on the edge of his bed again.

"The best thing to do right now is to give him _time._ After what happened with Quinn the first time, cheating is a weak point for him. I... I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Finn and Quinn's relationship at the moment is based on convenience. Quinn wanted Prom Queen, and Finn could help her. Now what happens?"

"I... I should get home. My dads and I are going to watch _The Wedding Singer _and eat Chinese food. I'll, um, s-see you tomorrow, Kurt." Kurt's question had left Rachel with a lot to think about.

"You're stuttering again. Goodbye, Rachel." Kurt made no move to show Rachel out, or to get off his bed at all. Looking back at him for a moment, Rachel saw that he was staring out his window. Rain was splattering against the roof, and Rachel was sure that Kurt couldn't actually see anything, but she wondered what he was thinking about.

* * *

><p>"It's been a while, dude." That was about as close to sentimental as Noah Puckerman got, but it was good enough for Finn. Living with Kurt was a little bit more.. open, feeling-wise, then he was used to, but it was nice to hang out with Puck again.<p>

Rachel had left their house earlier in a hurry, and he had got to thinking. Usually, thinking just hurt his brain, but the whole Rachel-Quinn thing was complicated enough that it was nes... nesse... needed. He had in the end, decided to call Puck, who was good with girls. By the time he had decided on this, it was about one in the morning, but Puck had answered anyway, and they were at the Sonic near Lima. Puck had ordered a giant burger, but Finn had almost an entire pizza before he left (to fuel his thinking) so he was just occasionally stealing one of Puck's fries.

"Yeah." Finn didn't want to talk about _why_ it had been a while, and Puck seemed to get that.

"So, how's Fabray?" Puck didn't call her Quinn, or even Q, anymore. It was the way they used to talk about Kurt, when they were here planning stupid stunts like the pee balloons. In some ways, the diner brought back bad memories.

"She's... different. She's.. I guess she's colder than she was before, since the whole 'Lucy' thing. I guess she doesn't like to feel vui.. vul.. weak. And sometimes she goes all Scary Quinn, and apparently she slapped Rachel during Prom because Kurt won Queen or something.. I don't even know, dude. Girls are stupid."

"Tell me about it. Lauren got all obsessed with Prom Queen too. Dude, Ben fuckin' Israel called me whipped the other day! What the hell? He asked me where Lau was keeping my balls. Like legit. I'm a badass. I don't even like her that much anymore, she's become all obsessed with being famous, and popular, and she's all petty, and it's _lame_, dude. She was a total badass, then we got together and she went all cheerleader on me. It _sucks._" Puck had a slight tendency to rant a bit, but Finn usually got the idea.

"So why don't you just break up with her dude? Go back to 'no strings attached,' the way it was before?" Puck literally had girls hanging off of him, and he had given them up.

"It's no fun anymore, dude. They're all the same. MILFs bitch about being old, virgins wanna be with you 'forever and ever,'" Puck mimicked a high voice, "and Cheerio's bitch about being fat. Hell, that's how I got into the shit with Fabray! Girls suck." Puck paused. "God, we sound gay right now."

"'Cause we're bitching about feelings, or 'cause we're saying girls are stupid?"

"Both. I think I am gonna break up with her though." Puck sat back with a huff, clearly having given up on his burger. "So, how's Hummel holding up?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt had been the same, a lot happier than he was at Dalton.

"With the Prom Queen thing dumbass. You should have seen his face when Figgins said his name. I've never seen anyone more humiliated in my life, and I've bullied a fuck-ton of losers."

"Uh, he hasn't, like, said anything. He's just, the same." Kurt hadn't seemed upset, or he was hiding it really well. He kinda did have a history of hiding things from Burt. Did that extend to Finn now?

"Now there's a badass." Woah, wait, Puck though _Kurt_ was badass?

"What the hell?"

"Your little bro's kinda the shit, dude. Considering everything he's gone through, first with us assholes, then with that dumbass Karofsky and all, and he's still sane. Bad. Ass."

"Uh, right." Finn paused. "Is it bad that I have the hottest girlfriend in the school, and I kind of want to just dump her and stay single for a bit?"

"Nah, dude. You should play the field a little. You've been way to wrapped up in your damn Quinn-Rachel-Jesse-Me-fuck-knows-who-else-was-involved web. Just get the hell out. Maybe Hummel has some hot private school chicks for you." Puck, who could sometimes be an idiot, and a little bit of a man slut, kind of had a point about the web thing.

"He went to an all boys school."

"Must have been in heaven. Shit, didn't mean to say that. Not nice. Sorry, dude. Anyway, they must have had like a sister school, right?" Puck reasoned, because he knew he had screwed a girl from up there. "Like something-that-starts-with-a-C Country Day."

"Maybe. I don't know dude. I kinda miss Rach."

"Dude, legit? She's with that fuck-wad St. James. Get the hell over her."

"Whatever dude." Rachel wasn't really _with_ Jesse, was she? She had said they were going as a group, with Mercedes and Sam too, but it had been more like she and Jesse were on a date and Mercedes and Sam were on a date too, and they had just gone in the same car. He hoped.

* * *

><p>Kurt would never knew exactly how he had gotten roped into this particular event. When Mercedes said a sleep over with her and Brittany, Kurt had jumped at the chance. What she did <em>not<em> say was that Santana would also be there, and that she and Brittany would bring tequila and drink themselves under the table, leaving Kurt alone in Mercedes' room with _Satan._

So far, neither of them had said anything, the only sounds in the room the soft snores of the two girls curled up on the floor. Kurt was kind of surprised that Santana hadn't made a rude remark, either to break the tension, or at all that night, as a matter of fact.

"Hey Hum.. Kurt? Can I ask you a question?" Kurt was surprised by the use of his first name, but they had bonded slightly over Santana's prom dress, and on prom night.

"How could all my recent conversations start as such? Rhetorical question. Yes, you may." Kurt's instinctive reaction to an awkward situation was formality.

"How did you come to terms?" Kurt knew immediately what she was talking about, and wondered exactly how far her clandestine relationship with Brittany had progressed while he was at Dalton. He made a mental note to ask Mercedes, when she _wasn't_ hung-over, that is.

"I.. kind of always knew. I figured out who I was when I was five. My parents had known since I was three. I never officially came out to anyone except Mercedes and my father, because everyone knew. I really only came out to my dad because we needed to clear the air, to have _that_ out in the open."

"That's not what I was asking." Santana managed to sound both patient and annoyed. "How did you.. know?"

"Well.. you're going to laugh at me, but, I heard a song on one of the Broadway radios my mom liked to listen to. It was two guys doing a duet, from _bare: a pop opera_. I asked her why they were singing about love, and she told me because they were in love. She explained to me the whole concept, and I figured it out. I thought the _boys_ on the playground were pretty, not the girls, not even a young Quinn." Kurt smiled at that. "It was easy because I was young."

"Hypothetically speaking, there's this popular, hot bitch, and she thinks she might be in love with her hot, sweet best friend. But she ignores it, and she gets a beard, and her best friend gets a boyfriend, but then breaks up with him. Now her best friend is single, and she still has a beard, who's thinking about coming out. The only real problem is.. she's scared. What should I do?" Santana didn't even try to cover up her slip-up.

"Can I play a song for you? Not the one that helped me, but one that will help you, I hope. It's from _Zanna, Don't_, which takes place in an alternate world where homosexuality is the norm, and there is such a thing as heterophobia. It's called _Do You Know What It's Like?_"

"You have to make this as gay as possible, don't you. Play me a fuckin' showtune. Whatever." Santana seemed to be regretting asking Kurt, but he was persistent.

"Less than four minutes of your time, Santana. I promise it will be worth it." Kurt plugged his iPhone into Mercedes' speaker and turned it up, no regard for the girls sleeping.

_Do you know what it's like to be in love with you,  
>to have my heart still love you when my mind knows it's not true?<br>Do you know what it's like to be in love with you,  
>not to remember what my life was like before I first met you?<br>Do you know what it's like when I lie in bed  
>and I think of you and the things you've said,<br>how they're almost exactly all the things that I've said, too?  
>But there's one word missing and it comes before 'love'<br>and I think it doesn't matter, what we have is enough,  
>but what we have isn't in so I don't know what to do.<br>Oh, do you know?_

**Do you know what it's like not to be in love with you,  
>not to have my heart obey what my mind wants to be true?<br>Do you know what it's like not to be in love with you,  
>but to like you, love you, cherish you, idolize you and protect you?<br>Do you know what it's like to look into your eyes  
>and see what I know you don't see in mine<br>though I pray it might be so the whole night through?  
>Do you know what it's like to have to let go of your hand<br>and to start another life, a life I don't understand,  
>and live the rest of my life knowing how much I've hurt you?<br>Oh, do you know?**

Santana was tearing up. She wouldn't be hurting Dave leaving him, but Brittany would be hurting Artie, and that would be her fault. Despite the fact he took her girl, the little nerd treated Britt well, and so she didn't mind him. What she and Britt had wasn't 'in' either, in a different way, but she loved her anyway. She had prayed so many times that her feelings would just go away, but she still loved Britt every time she woke up.

I know I'll never find your lovin' in anyone else,  
>Though I'll try, oh, and I'll try.<br>And I know I'll never find your smile in anyone else,  
>Though I'll try, oh, and I'll try.<p>

_**If someone were to come up to me  
>and say that they knew how<br>to love you better, I'd say,'Buddy,  
>step into the ring you're going down'.<br>I'd fight a guy for you. I'd fight a girl for you.  
>I'd fight myself, you know I would,<br>if I thought it'd do any good.  
>Oh, do you know?<strong>_

_Do you know what it's like...not to be in love with you_**  
>Do you know what it's like...to be in love with you<strong>  
>I know I'll never find your lovin' in anyone else<em><strong><br>...in anyone else**_

_not to have my heart obey what my mind wants to be true?_**  
>oh...when my mind knows it's not true?<strong>  
>though I'll try... oh, and I'll try.<em><strong><br>...though I'll try...oh, and I'll try.**_

_Do you know what it's like...not to be in love with you_**  
>Do you know what it's like...to be in love with you<strong>  
>And I know I'll never find your smile in anyone else<em><strong><br>...in anyone else**_

_but to like you, love you, cherish you, idolize you, and protect you?_**  
>but to like...and love...<strong>  
>though I'll try... oh, and I'll try.<em><strong><br>...though I'll try...oh, and I'll try.**_

_Do you know what it's like to look into your eyes  
>and to see what I know you don't see in mine<em>**  
>Do you know what it's like when I lie in bed<strong>  
>If someone were to come...<em><strong><br>If someone were to come up to me and say that they knew how**_

_though I'd pray it might be so, the whole night through?_**  
>and I think of you, and the things you've said?<strong>  
>and say they knew of love...<em><strong><br>to love you better, I'd say, 'Buddy, step into the ring you're going down'.**_

_Do you know what it's like to have to let go of your hand  
>and to start another life, a life I don't understand<em>**  
>Well, there's one word not there, and it comes before love...<strong>  
>I'd tell them it's not true...<em><strong><br>I'd fight a guy for you. I'd fight a girl for you.**_

_and live the rest of my life knowing how much I've hurt you?_**  
>Does it matter? Is what we have enough?<strong>  
>No one can love like you.<em><strong><br>I'd fight myself you know I would if I thought it would do any good.****  
>Oh, do you know?<strong>_

How to look into your eyes..._  
>To let go of your hand...<strong><br>To start another life...**_**  
>I just don't understand.<strong>

By the end of the song, Santana was flat out sobbing into Kurt's shoulders, shaking slightly. The next song that came on was far too cheerful, so Kurt grabbed the remote quickly off Mercedes' bedside table and shut off the speaker.

"I love her so much, and I was so stupid," Santana sobbed, and now Kurt was beginning to think she _had_ gotten into the tequila after all, because since when was a sober Santana emotional? Just as he thought it, Santana pushed off his shoulder.

"You better damn well never tell anyone about this, Hummel. I'll cut your balls off, if you even have any." Santana wiped her eyes off as she talked.

"I could have made you watch the horrible suicide of a repressed, scared, closeted guy who was part of a clandestine romance with his high school roommate. Comparatively, _Zanna_ is pretty tame." Kurt would never tell anyone about this, no matter how much he teased Santana.

"You would, too. Have a gay suicide movie on hand. Ugh, loser." Santana pretended to storm off into the bathroom to get away from Kurt, but he knew she really just wanted to cry in private and decide what to do. Since his pajamas had ended up somewhere underneath Brittany and Mercedes, Kurt just decided to sleep in his clothes, there and then. He would look like hell in the morning, but he was too tired to care.

* * *

><p>"All right, white boy, I need details." Kurt had been correct when he had said he would look like hell in the morning, but Santana looked worse. Brittany had been throwing up for the first few hours, but she seemed okay when she had went home at about noon. Santana had left just a bit after her, with a quick 'thank you' to Kurt. Mercedes had been horrible on her hangover, but was okay now.<p>

Mercedes and Kurt were relaxing in her living room. Her parents would be home soon, but they wouldn't be terribly concerned that 'the mayor of Gaytown' had been with their daughter since they left. _A Chorus Line_ was playing, but neither of them were really watching.

"Details about?" He would refuse to tell her about Santana's 'thank you' and hug, because that wasn't his secret to tell.

"Blaine, bo, Blaine. You know, short but gorgeous, your incredibly talented bo who you talk about _25_/7?" Girls always seemed to be annoyed when boys couldn't read their minds, this was no exception.

"I don't talk about Blaine _that_ much. And I don't have any details for you." Kurt blushed slightly when he admitted that he and Blaine hadn't gone past the romantic dates and sweet, chaste kisses.

"_No_ details? None? You've been dating for over a month!" It had been their one-month anniversary the day after prom, and Blaine had taken him out for a nice dinner, but considering what had happened the night before, neither of them were really in the mood for celebrating.

"I know, but.. Blaine's a gentleman, and I like romance, and... it's not like I don't _want_ there to be details, there just aren't _yet_." Kurt definitely did want there to be details, but he did like the romance his boyfriend had showed him.

"Oh My Lordy Lordy! How long is it going to take the two of you?" Mercedes was irritated. Her boy was just as innocent as she was, she knew that, but he and Blaine had chemistry like no one else, and they had been 'not-dating' since Sectionals.

"Why are you in such a rush? You just want the details." Kurt knew Mercedes was just teasing him.

"Perhaps."

* * *

><p>"But why?" Quinn said, sounding more annoyed than upset.<p>

"Just tell me honestly. Would you have dated me if I wouldn't have been a better candidate for Prom King than Sam?" Finn knew the right answer was 'no' but that probably wasn't what Quinn would say.

"Of course." Lies. "We had something special together, Finn. I messed that up and I'm sorry, but I still love you and you still love me, you know you do. We can be great again, Finn." Finn almost felt bad, because it looked like Quinn honestly believed what she said.

"Great as a couple, or great for your reputation? Look, Quinn, I just need to be single for a bit. If you really do love me, you'll respect that." Quinn was the girl of his dreams once upon a time, but he had grown up and she had changed.

"Fine." Quinn stalked away, more angry than sad, and Finn knew he had made the right decision. Trying and failing to whistle, he headed towards the choir room.

He was supposed to be in a class (he thought it might be US History) but he had run into Quinn in the hallway, and it had seemed like the perfect opportunity to break up with her. As difficult as things had been with Quinn, both times he had dated her, he had cared about her. The choir room had always been an excellent place to get his emotions sorted out. He forgot he wasn't the only one who saw it that way.

**Once in a lifetime means there's no second chance  
>so I believe that you and me should grab it while we can<strong>_  
>Make it last forever and never give it back<em>**  
>It's our turn, and I'm loving' where we're at<strong>_**  
>Because this moment's really all we have<strong>_

**Everyday of our lives,**_  
>wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight<em>**  
>Gonna run<strong>_**  
>While we're young and keep the faith<strong>_

**Everyday**_**  
>From right now,<br>gonna use our voices and scream out loud**  
>Take my hand;<em>**  
>together we will celebrate,<strong>_  
>celebrate.<strong><br>Oh, everyday.**_

_They say that you should follow_**  
>and chase down what you dream,<strong>_  
>but if you get lost and lose yourself<em>**  
>what does is really mean?<strong>_  
>No matter where we're going,<em>**  
>it starts from where we are.<strong>_  
>There's more to life when we listen to our hearts<strong><br>and because of you, I've got the strength to start  
>Yeah, yeah, yeah!<strong>_

_**Everyday of our lives,  
>wanna find you there,<strong>  
>wanna hold on tight<strong><br>Gonna run while we're young  
>and keep the faith.<br>**_

_**Everyday**_**  
>from right now,<strong>_**  
>gonna use our voices and scream out loud<br>Take my hand; together we will celebrate,  
>Oh, everyday<strong>_

**We're taking it back,  
>we're doing it here together!<strong>_  
>It's better like that,<br>and stronger now than ever!**  
>We're not gonna lose.<strong>_  
>'<em><strong>Cause we get to choose.<br>That's how it's gonna be!**_

**Everyday of our lives,**_  
>wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.<em>**  
>Gonna run while we're young<strong>_**  
>And keep the faith<br>Keep the faith!**_

_**Everyday of our lives,  
>wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.<br>Gonna run while we're young  
>and keep the faith<strong>_

_**Everyday from right now,  
>gonna use our voices and scream out loud<br>Take my hand;  
>together we will celebrate,<br>Everyday!**_

_**Live everyday!  
>Love everyday!<br>Live everyday!  
>Love everyday!<br>Everyday!  
>Everyday!<strong>_

_Everyday!_

"That was beautiful, Rachel." The familiar voice belonged to Jesse St. James."It fits both our voices perfectly. You really have amazing talent. We sound incredible together." Apparently, the jackass had been forgiven for what he pulled at prom.

"Thank you, Jesse. I have to tell you something though." Rachel sounded hesitant.

"Whatever could it be, _il mio cantante._" Finn barely recognized the language, then he realized he had heard the phrase before, almost. Blaine sometimes called Kurt '_il mio bella cantante.'_ He knew it was Italian, and _cantante_ meant singer. Kurt hadn't told him what _bella_ meant though.

"I shouldn't have gone to prom with you, or sang _Rolling in the Deep _with you. I'm not over Finn, and you and I weren't meant to be. This is Finn and I's second chance. I'm sorry." Finn could hear Rachel leaving, but she thankfully walked the other direction and didn't even notice him.

* * *

><p>"We need to talk." Santana and Dave were meeting for their regular business meeting at the Lima Bean.<p>

"What about? Look, I know you didn't win Prom Queen, but it wasn't my fault. The student body just wanted to humiliate Kurt. Nothing we could do to stop them. We still rule the school." Santana noted (for future reference) that whenever Dave felt trapped he got defensive.

"This isn't about Prom Queen. Doesn't even matter right now. This is about our little arrangement. It's gotta stop. You got a hot girlfriend, no one's gonna think you're gay. Now, your hot ex is going to come out as a lesbian, and you can still be a 'late-in-life-gay,' doesn't matter to anyone. Got it? Arrangement over." Santana left Dave to process that, knowing it took jocks a while. But when Santana Lopez leaves, she _leaves_, walking right out of the Lima Bean with flair.

* * *

><p><strong>'Hey beautiful.'<strong>

_'Hello handsome.'_

**'I miss you.'**

_'I miss you too.'_

**'So how is your evil plot turning out?'**

_'One, my plot is *not* evil. I'm trying to make everyone happy, and it's working very well thank you. Rachel wants Finn back, Finn broke up with Quinn, and Santana's ready to come out with Brittany.'_

**'Someday you have to tell me how you got this crazy idea into your head.'**

_'Deal.'_

**'Dinner, Saturday, my place?'**

_'Absolutely. Miss you.'_

**'I miss you too. Now I must go and face the insanity that is Wes and his gavel all alone. :('**

_'Bye.'_

* * *

><p>"Asian this! Asian that! I'm a proud Asian, but this is just getting ridiculous." Quinn tilted her head like an inquisitive cat at Tina's shout. Kurt and Quinn were looking through a boring book for their history project, but listening to Tina and Mike fight was much more interesting. It always seemed they fought in the library. "God, I thought Artie was a bad boyfriend!"<p>

"Oh, low blow, bringing up an ex," Kurt murmured his commentary to Quinn, who nodded in agreement.

"Artie didn't even pay any attention to you. Who spent time with you all summer?" Mike argued back, at a much quieter volume.

"At _Asian_ camp! Which is my whole point. You would know if you actually listened to me." For all Tina's claims that she was 'so in love' the couple argued an awful lot.

"Of course I listen to you, but I don't understand what you want!"

"He's floundering," Quinn murmured back. Kurt nodded.

"I want a _normal_ date, without your mom there! I want a _normal_ salad, without chicken feet in it! I want a _normal_ flu remedy, without panda hair!" Kurt and Quinn both wrinkled their noses at that. "I want _normal_ kisses, without the necessity of the label 'Asian kiss'! I want a _normal_ relationship, without you!"

"Oooh," they both whispered under their breath. Tina and Mike (or Chang squared, as they were referred when they weren't around) were the Glee couple that was voted least likely to succeed. Looks like it had been a fairly accurate assessment.

"Fine then!"

"Fine!" Tina stormed out of the library, blue highlights flying behind her, ignoring the 'shh'-ing gestures of the librarian.

"So far this week," Kurt took on a joking 'announcer' voice, ignoring the librarian's glare "Fuinn has ended, as well as St. Berry, Chang squared, and whatever-we're-calling-the-two-who-are-only-using-each-other-as-beards." Kurt and Quinn exchanged a serious look for about five seconds before cracking up and being kicked out of the library.

* * *

><p>"What is going on this week?" Mr. Schue finally shouted of frustration. Well, Kurt considered, he had a right to be frustrated.<p>

Santana was splitting her time between smirking at the air, gazing longingly at Brittany, and glaring at Artie whenever she caught him gazing longingly at Brittany. Brittany was listening quite attentively, and seemed oblivious to the two having a silent war over her.

Rachel and Jesse (who had been hired as New Directions' dance consultant) kept looking at each other, then awkwardly looking away. Finn was looking between Quinn, who was ignoring him, and Rachel, who kept smiling at him softly, if she caught his eye and wasn't looking at Jesse. Quinn herself seemed to be eyeing Puck.

Tina and Mike were sitting on opposite ends of the room, and one or the other were occasionally muttering what sounded like Asian curses at each other.

Oblivious to Quinn's stares, Puck kept looking at Lauren, who hadn't glanced at him once, but was splitting her time between glaring at Santana, Quinn, and Kurt. Kurt figured this was about Prom Queen. Wow, was she petty.

Mercedes and Sam seemed to be the only happy couple in the room. Kurt wasn't sure if they were officially a couple yet, but they had definitely been at prom _together_ and they were holding hands, whispering to each other, probably about what the rest of the club was doing.

"What has gotten into you all? This is ridiculous, everyone on their feet." With some grumbles and groans, everyone got to their feet. "Now you guys are a family and you're going to act like one. Starting with this song."

"If you play _We Are Family, _I'm going to jump out a window," Santana commented offhandedly.

Everyone seemed to agree with Santana's statement, but Mr. Schue just rolled his eyes. "Kurt, iPod." Kurt tossed his iPhone to the teacher, prompting a gasp from Tina, who would probably cry if the expensive machinery hit the ground.

Everyone seemed unexcited, until the familiar beat came on. "Hells yeah!" Mercedes yelled.

_I've been working so hard  
>I'm punching my card<br>Eight hours for what?  
>Oh, tell me what I got<em>

_I've got this feeling  
>That time's just holding me down<br>I'll hit the ceiling or else I'll tear up this town_

Everyone was singing and dancing along, Brittany and Mike tearing it up as incredibly as they had at Sectionals, and the rest of them dancing around, unchoreographed, uncaring what they looked like.

_Tonight I gotta cut  
>Loose, footloose kick off your Sunday shoes<br>Please, Louise pull me off-a my knees  
>Jack, get back c'mon before we crack<br>Lose your blues everybody cut footloose_

Rachel was trying to dance with Finn without another horrible accident occurring.

_And you're playing so cool  
>Obeying every rule<br>I dig a way down in your heart  
>You're burning, yearning for songs<em>

Mercedes and Sam were twirling around, and Mercedes was laughing as Sam duplicated some of his 'Justin Beiber' moves.

_Somebody to tell you  
>That life ain't passing you by<br>I'm trying to tell you  
>It will if you don't even try<em>

Tina was dancing half-heartedly with Jesse, too busy glaring at Mike and Brittany to really pull any incredible moves of her own.

_You can fly if you'd only cut  
>Loose, footloose kick off your Sunday shoes<br>Oowhee, Marie, shake it, shake it for me  
>Whoa, Milo, c'mon, c'mon let's go<br>Lose your blues everybody cut footloose_

Kurt, Quinn, and Santana were dancing around geekily and laughing like idiots.

_Cut footloose  
>Cut footloose<br>Cut footloose_

Puck was awkwardly trying to dance with Lauren, who was ignoring him.

_We got to turn me around  
>And put your feet on the ground<br>Now take a hold of the phone  
>Whoa, I'm turning it loose<em>

Artie was just wheeling between the dancing groups and having fun, pointedly not looking at Brittany.

_Loose, footloose kick off your Sunday shoes  
>Please, Louise pull me off a my knees<br>Jack, get back c'mon before we crack  
>Lose your blues now everybody cut footloose<em>

Jesse was trying to be cool, and pull off moves he really could do, but he kept tripping over something, or somebody, so he gave up and just enjoyed bopping along in a simple way.

_Loose, footloose kick off your Sunday shoes  
>Please, Louise pull me off a my knees<br>Jack, get back c'mon before we crack  
>Lose your blues<em>

Mr. Schue was just watching the group proudly, like it was his personal doing that they were somewhat getting along better than they had been before the song. The awkward air of recently-broken-up couples still hung over the choir room though.

_Everybody cut everybody cut  
>Everybody cut everybody cut<br>Everybody cut everybody cut  
>Everybody everybody cut footloose<em>

"Whoo!" Everyone yelled, as if they had practiced it. There was hugging, and laughing, and more cheering.

"There, guys. That's what I'm talking about! Though, we might not want to dance like that at Nationals." Everybody laughed. "Back to work!"

* * *

><p>"Sanny? Can we talk?" Brittany hesitantly approached her best friend at her locker. "Why didn't you come to my show? Why didn't we go to prom together? I... I really thought you wanted to be with me." She sounded so hurt, it broke Santana's heart.<p>

"I do. I didn't come to your show because I was scared. But I'm not scared anymore. We have friends, and support, and even the Bullywhips. I don't want to hide anymore." Britt looked shocked. "I want to be with you. I want to do all that lame sappy stuff that people think is romantic. I wanna take you out on dates, hold your hand in the hallways, and, God help us, cuddle with you."

"Really?"

"Yep." She wouldn't back out on her best friend, not this time. In fact... Santana leaned forward and kissed the hell out of her _girlfriend_ right there in the middle of the hallways. She could practically hear people's jaws hit the floor. There were catcalls and whistles, and a few jeers. Santana just ignored them.

"All right, move it or lose it, losers! Take a picture, it'll last longer!" Kurt was obviously cranky. "Could you two un-suction for like five seconds please?" He asked the still-making-out couple, obviously not bothered at all.

Santana had figured out by then that he had been the driving force behind almost every relationship change that week. He had talked to Rachel, coached Puck on what to say to Finn, helped her come to terms, the only couple he hadn't messed with was Chang squared, but everyone was certain they would come crumbling down in time. Knowing that he probably needed help with his scheme, Santana pulled away from Brittany, causing Kurt to wrinkle his nose slightly at the suction sound.

"You know, we were kind of in the middle of something." Santana wasn't really mad, but what was the point of having a diva around but to make them explode?

"In case you haven't noticed," Kurt ignored Santana's comment, "the relationships in the Glee club have imploded recently."

"And you were the cause of it," Santana accused him.

"Perhaps. Now _you_ are going to help me pick up the pieces. What Finn needs is time, or a better understanding of why Rachel did what she did. Quinn and Puck I can't force together, but we all know they're meant to be. And Tina and Artie will fall into each other's arms naturally soon enough. What we need to work on right now is Finchel."

"And how do we do that?" Santana raised an eyebrow at the flamboyant diva.

"Excellent question." Kurt grinned.

* * *

><p>"So, as you all know, my favorite song is <em>You Oughta Know<em> by Alanis Morissette. It's about assholes and being replaced and how much life fuckin' sucks." Kurt was resisting the urge to laugh at Santana's introduction, but Mr. Schue looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. "Here goes." They hadn't actually been given an assignment for the week, so Santana took their Finchel project into her own hands.

_**I want you to know, that I'm happy for you  
>I wish nothing but the best for you both<br>An older version of me  
>Is she perverted like me<br>Would she go down on you in a theatre  
>Does she speak eloquently<br>And would she have your baby  
>I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother<strong>_

_**'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able  
>To make it enough for you to be open wide, no<br>And every time you speak her name  
>Does she know how you told me you'd hold me<br>Until you died, till you died  
>But you're still alive<strong>_

_**And I'm here to remind you  
>Of the mess you left when you went away<br>It's not fair to deny me  
>Of the cross I bear that you gave to me<br>You, you, you oughta know**_

_**You seem very well, things look peaceful  
>I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know<br>Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity  
>I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner<br>It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced  
>Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?<strong>_

_**'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able  
>To make it enough for you to be open wide, no<br>And every time you speak her name  
>Does she know how you told me you'd hold me<br>Until you died, til you died  
>But you're still alive<strong>_

_**And I'm here to remind you  
>Of the mess you left when you went away<br>It's not fair to deny me  
>Of the cross I bear that you gave to me<br>You, you, you oughta know**_

_**'cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me  
>And I'm not gonna fade<br>As soon as you close your eyes and you know it  
>And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back<br>I hope you feel it...well can you feel it**_

_**Well, I'm here to remind you  
>Of the mess you left when you went away<br>It's not fair to deny me  
>Of the cross I bear that you gave to me<br>You, you, you oughta know**_

Mr. Schue looked like he was _having_ an aneurysm at this point. Everyone else in the club was clapping hesitantly, and trying to figure out why Santana had sung most of that song to Finn and Rachel, and why she had winked at Kurt.

"Well, that was.. interesting." Mr. Schue had recovered his composure. "Thank you, Santana, and let's get back to work!"

* * *

><p>"Dude, can I ask you a chick question?" Finn had never really tried to talk to Kurt about girls before. He was cool with his step-brother and everything, but Kurt could be inti... intm.. scary.<p>

"I suppose." Kurt had his headphones in, but pulled one out and raised an eyebrow at Finn.

They had been watching a sports game when Burt had gotten an important call about the garage, and both their parents had left. Now some stupid show was playing, and Kurt had been staring out the window, ignoring Finn. He was probably planning what to wear on his date with Blaine that night.

"Do you think I should get back together with Rachel?" The probability of Kurt giving a straight answer was unlikely, but he could try.

"I don't think she meant to hurt you as badly as she did. 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' is doubly true for those of us who have a tendency to be slightly more dramatic. She doesn't understand, even now, how much she's hurt you. I would talk to her about it. Depending on that conversation, maybe it would be a good idea for the two of you to get back together, maybe not.

"You're as bad at straight answers as girls are." Finn pouted.

"Well, that's because I'm gay." Kurt answered in a almost-but-not-quite-joking tone, then returned to his iPod. Finn wasn't sure if he had been referring to the 'straight' answer part, or being compared to a girl. But he was joking, so it didn't matter either way, right?

* * *

><p>"You need to stop pacing. You are going to drive the rest of us up the walls. Then we are going to kill you. Then you won't see your beloved ever again. So <em>calm down.<em>" Naturally, Wes' version of calming someone down was as far from calming as possible, but Blaine did stop pacing.

"I'm _sorry_ that I'm excited to see my _boyfriend._" Blaine rolled his eyes.

"If you had just asked your _boyfriend_ out when he wanted you to, you'd have been dating for longer and you wouldn't be so damn fidgety now," Thad added from where he had been lurking by the doorway. "What are you doing with your boyfriend that's making you so excited anyway?" Thad waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"No." It was the best way to deter Thad, flat and simple. "We are having dinner and then hanging out at my house and watching _Zodiac._ Nothing else."

"Sure." Thad drew out the word as long as he possibly could.

"You're such a pig, Thad."

"You love me so much you don't even have words for it."

"I hate you with a passion."

"As much as I hate to break up your banter, it is now an acceptable time for you to leave in order-" Blaine was already out the door. "What are we going to do with them?" Wes asked Thad, who shrugged.

* * *

><p>"I know it's not as classy as a restaurant, but I thought it would be more.. private and.. comfortable."<p>

Blaine's house was a gorgeous almost-mansion that seemed straight from a TV show. Kurt knew that Blaine's parents were _incredibly_ well-off, even by Dalton standards, but, even in his designer clothing, Kurt felt out of place. Then they reached the (extremely elaborate and expensive-looking) dining room, and Kurt had to resist the urge to gasp like a damsel.

"Wow, Blaine, it looks..." Beautiful, without being tacky. The lights were off, but the room was lit by an amber glow from candles scattered over the furniture, and the flames flickering in the fireplace. The table was set for two, with a candle piece that made Kurt think of the candelabra from _Beauty & The Beast,_ and a few rose petals placed carefully, set with fine china and crystal glasses.

Blaine, who looked uncertain, probably because of Kurt's gaping, shifted uncomfortable. "The food's still cooking, but we can sit down, if you want."

"Thank you," Kurt said, turning to his boyfriend with a smile. "It looks amazing."

"Not too cheesy?" Blaine joked, knowing Kurt had distinct lines between romantic and ridiculous.

"Not at all." Kurt looked away from Blaine for a moment before hesitantly asking "Are your parents home?" Kurt knew Blaine would never, _ever_ pressure him, but it was still a little nerve-wracking, being completely alone with his boyfriend in his house.

"They're not actually. My mother had some social thing, and my dad decided to go with her, heaven knows why, but they would get back late, so they're staying at a friend's house."

"Okay, I was just.. wondering." Kurt really was a horrible liar, and it was more obvious to those that knew him, like Blaine.

"You're a horrible lair." Kurt mock-glared at him. "No pressure, you know that, right?" Blaine reassured his blatantly uncertain boyfriend.

"I know." Just before Blaine could answer, the timer in the kitchen went off.

"Excellent timing. I will be right back." Blaine gave Kurt a quick peck on the lips before ducking into the kitchen to get the Italian food he knew Kurt loved.

* * *

><p>"So, what's been bothering you?" Blaine asked, as a couple were violently stabbed multiple times. He and Kurt were curled up on his bed, half-watching <em>Zodiac<em>, but not really knowing what was going on in the movie. Blaine was half-spooning his boyfriend, rubbing his side, careful not to go too low. Kurt's distrusting looks towards the bed and reluctance to sit there spoke volumes.

"Why do you assume something's bothering me just because I'm quiet?" Kurt shot back.

"Because you're Kurt Hummel, _il mio bella cantante, _and diva extraordinare. Rachel and Mercedes might have also mentioned something." Kurt's heard immediately softened at the familiar endearment. At first, he had made fun of his boyfriend for being the next Edward Cullen, having seen that phrase in a Twilight fandom he had accidentally come upon one time. Then Blaine told him what it meant, and he had fallen in love with the name. Blaine had become good friends with Kurt's two main girls, but sometimes it was more of a hindrance than a help.

"I'm fine, Blaine. Really. I'm _fine._" Kurt knew that Blaine wouldn't buy his excuses as easily as everyone else had.

"Sure. So this had nothing to do with the Prom Queen incident." Blaine noticed the way Kurt tensed up when he said Prom Queen, and he knew he had guessed right. "Baby, listen to me for a moment, alright." Kurt wasn't a big fan of stereotypical pet names, but he melted whenever Blaine called him 'baby.' "Ninety percent of the people who go to McKinley are assholes, you know this as well as I do. And I do wish sometimes I could just whisk you back to Dalton where I know you'd be safe. But you're happy at McKinley, are you not? it doesn't matter what people think, you're a beautiful, strong _man_ and you always will be." Blaine had never been the best at comforting people, but by the look on Kurt's face he had said the right thing.

"Thank you." Kurt twisted quickly in Blaine's arms, reaching his arms up to tangle his fingers in Blaine's hair as he kissed him. Blaine forgot himself for a moment and kissed back hungrily, sucking on Kurt's bottom lip and dragging a surprised moan from the boy. That was enough to shock Blaine back to reality and he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" Kurt cut him off, kissing him fiercely.

* * *

><p><em>'So, I might have some details for you ;)'<em>

'No way. You and Blaine...?'

_'Messed around a little while his parents weren't home. *blushes*'_

'Finally white boy! Details now.'

_'Perhaps you shall have to wait until after Glee Club Monday, when everything shall come to a boil'_

'You are spending way too much time around Rachel. We are having a sleep over, just you and I this time (sorry about that) and I get to know *everything,* get it?'

_'Crystal clear. Friday?'_

'You read my mind.'

* * *

><p>"Alright guys, settle down." If Mr. Schue was surprised by how the students were sitting, he didn't show it.<p>

Front and center (in the spots normally claimed by Finn and Rachel) were Mercedes and Sam, the only couple Kurt hadn't messed with in the last two weeks. In the far left corner, Puck sat between Lauren (who he had yet to break up with) and Quinn (who he was still pining over), looking extremely uncomfortable. Directly in front of Puck was Finn, who hadn't made eye contact with anyone the entire rehearsal. Mike was sitting two rows below Lauren, obviously alone without Tina. Kurt felt bad, but Artie and Tina belonged together.

Behind Mercedes and Sam were the newly dubbed Brittana, who were whispering and giggling, and occasionally kissing, and weren't paying attention to rehearsal at all, but this wasn't exactly new. Kurt himself was sitting in the front row beside his girl, and Artie had wheeled up next to him. He kept occasionally glancing back at Tina, who was two rows behind Kurt. To her right was Rachel, who hadn't spoken since she saw Finn. Kurt was worried about her.

"A member of our group, who is to remain anonymous, pointed out how out-of-sync you guys have been lately. So, we are going to do a sort of show circle. But, we're a glee club. So you can express your emotions through word or song. Nobody is leaving this room until everyone has spoken," he directed that towards Mike, who looked quickly at the clock. "Jesse is not here today, for reasons he didn't say. Everybody ready. Form a circle."

Whoever had taught the members of the glee club how to make a circle had failed quite epically, Kurt noticed at the lopsided shape they had created. The members seemed to be in no order at all, but most ex-couple were across from each other, and current couples were together, with the exception of Puck and Lauren, who may or may not still be a couple.

"Who would like to go first?" Everybody looked away from Mr. Schue as soon as he said that. Nobody wanted to be first, as a general rule. "Rachel, how about you?"

"Am I allowed to be brutally honest?" When Rachel spoke for the first time, she sounded _pissed._

"If you must be. But please guys, try to minimize the swearing and crude references."

"Puck," Kurt added with a smirk.

"I'll try my best, _Porcelain._" Kurt just rolled his eyes.

Turning to the boy next to her, Rachel began. "You're kind of a slut, Puckerman. You have nice arms, and abs, and a decent face, even though your haircut is atrocious, but you've slept with every girl in Allen County, and that's just not attractive. Plus, you expected me to put out for you after how mean you have been to me for years. I don't really like you. No offense." Rachel's rant was quick and merciless.

"Damn, if this is what our little diva has built-up, I'm absolutely terrified to see what Hummel has to say to me. Do I say something about someone now?"

"Sure, let's pass it around. Go ahead Puck, talk to anyone." Mr. Schue regretted those words when Puck grinned. "Be decent." The grin faded.

"Fine." Puck stood from his chair and walked over to Lauren. "Hate to break it to you, but we're so over. I thought you were such a badass, and you're just as much of a petty bitch as the next Cheerio. You're just so much better at fakin' it. So fuck you." Puck walked back to his chair.

"Nice one, dude." In hindsight, Finn should not have said that while sitting next to Lauren. Kurt would discover the bruise on his arm was a deep purple and about the size of a DVD.

"Whatever. Show choir's lame, I hate all of you, and Berry's voice makes me want to claw my ears off." Lauren kept it short and simple. "But I'd like to do a little number for you guys. Edited, naturally." Without waiting for approval, Lauren started to sing, and Kurt desperately wanted to cover his ears and beg for mercy from her voice.

_I want to be rich and I want lots of money  
>I don't care about clever I don't care about funny<br>I want loads of clothes and f**kloads of diamonds  
>I heard people die while they are trying to find them<em>

_I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless  
>'Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous<br>I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror  
>I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner<em>

_Life's about film stars and less about mothers  
>It's all about fast cars and passing each other<br>But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic  
>and that's what makes my life so flipping fantastic<em>

_And I am a weapon of massive consumption  
>and its not my fault it's how I'm program to function<br>I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror  
>I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner<em>

_Forget about guns and forget ammunition  
>Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission<br>Now I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner  
>Now everything is cool as long as I'm getting thinner<em>

_I don't know what's right and what's real anymore  
>I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore<em>

Rachel barely waited until Lauren was finished. "Does this mean I get to talk again?" Rachel seemed eager to get her feelings out.

"Well, since I'm clearly not in control anymore, go ahead," Mr. Schue responded tiredly.

"Well, since I am clearly the most talented member of this ensemble," Kurt couldn't resist a snort at that, "I would like to be the next to perform. And I will do so _a cappella_ thank you Brad," she quickly addressed the piano man, who had played along with Lauren once he figured out the song.

_Treat me beneath this clear night sky  
>And I will lie with you<br>I start to feel those butterflies  
>When I'm next to you<em>

_Tell me your secrets  
>Give me a friend<br>Let all the good times flood in_

_Do I love you?  
>Do I hate you?<br>I can't make up my mind  
>So let's freefall<br>See where we land_

_It's been this way since we were young  
>We'll fight and then make up<br>I'll breathe your air into my lungs  
>When I feel your touch<em>

_Tell me your secrets  
>Give me a friend<br>Let all the good times flood in_

_Do I love you?  
>Do I hate you?<br>I can't make up my mind  
>So let's freefall<br>And see where we land_

The song was very obviously directed towards Finn. "I know we've had quite a past, but we've always been good for each other. So.. could we maybe try to see where we land?" Despite the lame music pun, the hope in Rachel's eyes was enough to make Kurt want to 'aw.'

"I should hate you. You broke my heart, and you cheated on me, and you did it in the worst way possible. But I can't hate you 'cause you're... you. So, yeah, maybe." It was possibly one of the sweetest things Finn had ever said to her. Rachel didn't try to kiss him there and then though. She just smiled and returned to her seat.

"Uh, am I supposed to say something now?" Everyone just smiled and nodded, they were so used to Finn's adorable cluelessness. "Uh, okay. So, it's been a really weird year, with all the relationship drama, but we've stayed together as a family, and it's kind of awesome. So, yeah." Poor boy wasn't meant to be put on the spot. Kurt would try to save him, but he needed to speak last.

"I'll speak," Quinn said quietly. Though her tone was not Head-Cheerleader-Quinn-Fabray-worthy, the way she didn't wait for objections very much was. "Everyone in this room means a lot to me, in their own way. Kurt has been my constant friend and shopping companion, and my rock too. I can always count on him to be there, and to have the right advice. Rachel and I have had our bumpy roads, but I'm honestly happy for her and Finn right now. He and I weren't meant to be. I get that now.

"Of all the people that are important to me in this room, the most important is probably Puck. What happened between us was a mistake, but I believe it happened for a reason. I got to meet a whole different side of the badass we all know and fear, and I think that guy will be a really great dad someday. I was thinking, maybe now that Beth," Puck flinched slightly when she said his daughter's name,"is a little bit older, maybe we could go see her. Together?" The question had so many more connotations to it, but it obviously wasn't a conversation the two could have in front of the entire room.

"Santana and Brittany were at first my assistant spies, then my competition, but I consider them both friends now, and I'm really happy for the two of you. Finn, I have hurt you so much, and I know that now. We're not meant to be, but maybe we could still be friends. I have hurt so many people, but I want to try to make that up to some of them now.

"Mercedes, you took me in when I was miserable, angry, and hurt. You helped me understand why I was feeling the way I was, and you brought me into your home like we were close, when I have been so mean to you in the past. I can never repay you for that, but I am so thankful.

"Sam, I know I've hurt you too. I'm doing everything I can to make it up to you now, but I understand if you need time." Sam nodded, and Quinn smiled at him sadly. "As for everyone else, you have been friends to me. None of you judged me, or hated me, or shunned me, as so many people that I thought were my 'friends' did. I can really never repay any of you." Quinn surprised the whole room by walking around and kissing everyone lightly on the cheek, including Mr. Schue, before sitting back down and staring at her hands, obviously fighting back tears. Britt untangled herself from Santana to wrap an arm around Quinn in support.

"If I could just say thanks to a few people?" Rachel stood up and began talking before she received an answer. "Everyone in this room has helped me grow so much, as a performer, and as a person. I can actually hold a decent human conversation now." Everyone laughed at the reference to a rather scathing remark Kurt had made last year.

"But I would really like to thank Kurt and Mercedes. Kurt, you and I started out as enemies, constantly butting heads, and having a ridiculously complex love-hate relationship. Now, you are one of the best friends I will ever have. Same goes for you Mercedes. And, girl, you _are_ Beyonce, you ain't no Kelly Rowland!" Everyone cracked up.

"Oh, Rachel, sweetheart, you're too white to say that. And this is me talking, the one nicknamed Porcelain."

"And now, I believe it is time for us three to kill a bit of Broadway." Mercedes walked out of the circle through the gap left by Rachel and Kurt and quickly talked to Brad.

The piano started as Mercedes walked back over.

I'm limited. Just look at me.  
>I'm limited. And look at you,<br>you can do all I couldn't do,  
>Glinda. So now it's up to you,<br>for both of us. Now it's up to you.

_I've heard it said that people come into our lives  
>for a reason, bringing something we must learn,<em>**  
>and we are lead to those, who help us most to grow,<br>if we let them, and we help them in return.**_**  
>Now I don't know if I believe that's true,<br>but I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you.**_

_Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes a sun.  
>Like a stream that meets a boulder, halfway through the wood.<br>Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
>But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.<em>

**It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime,  
>so let me say before we part, so much of me is made<br>of what I learned from you. You'll be with me,  
>like a handprint on my heart.<strong>_**  
>And now whatever way our stories end,<br>I know you have re-written mine by being my friend...**_

_**Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.  
>Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood.<br>Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
>But, because I knew you<strong>_  
>Because I knew you<em><strong><br>I have been changed for good.**_

_And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness,  
>for the thing's I've done you blame me for.<em>**  
>But then, I guess we know there's blame to share.<strong>_**  
>And none of it seems to matter anymore!<strong>_

_**Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun.**_  
>Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.<em><strong><br>Like a stream that meets a boulder, halfway through the wood.**_  
>Like a seed dropped by a skybird in the wood.<em><strong><br>Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
>I do believe I have been changed for the better.<strong>  
><em>

_And because I knew you..._**  
>Because I knew you...<strong>  
>Because I knew you...<em><strong><br>I have been changed for good.**_

The three hugged at the end of the beautiful song, and everyone in the circle looked blown away. "Wow, Mercedes, Rachel, Kurt, I've never heard any of you sound that good." They all just smiled and took a little bow.

"Can I talk now?" Tina asked. Everyone was surprised by the Asian girl's forwardness, considering how quiet and shy she usually was. "First of all, I'm sorry for the words I said in the library, Mike. I was inexcusably mean. But we're still over, I just can't handle it anymore.

"Artie, I know I was horrible to you, breaking up with you over Mike's abs, but you have to learn how to treat a girl right. If you're going to play a marathon round of Halo, at least invite me around so I can kick your ass. But I have a song for you, and I need you to hear it."

_Notice me, take my hand  
>Why are we strangers when<br>Our love is strong  
>Why carry on without me<em>

_Everytime I try to fly, I fall  
>Without my wings, I feel so small<br>I guess I need you, baby  
>And everytime I see you in my dreams<br>I see your face, it's haunting me  
>I guess I need you, baby<em>

_I make believe that you are here  
>It's the only way I see clear<br>What have I done  
>You seem to move on easy<em>

_And everytime I try to fly, I fall  
>Without my wings, I feel so small<br>I guess I need you, baby  
>And everytime I see you in my dreams<br>I see your face, you're haunting me  
>I guess I need you, baby<em>

_I may have made it rain  
>Please forgive me<br>My weakness caused you pain  
>And this song's my sorry<em>

_At night I pray  
>That soon your face will fade away<em>

_And everytime I try to fly, I fall  
>Without my wings, I feel so small<br>I guess I need you, baby  
>And everytime I see you in my dreams<br>I see your face, you're haunting me  
>I guess I need you, baby<em>

Tina was crying by the end of the song, and, though he would never admit it afterwards, so was Artie. The two belonged together, truly and sincerely. Kurt looked through his mental checklist for the week.

Finchel. Check. Quick. Getting there, but he couldn't force those two together, not after their history. Mercedes/Sam. Still in tact. Artina. Check. Brittana. Check. Himself and Blaine. Still in tact. It was done. Now, he had to explain.

"I'm taking the stage," he announced, leaving no 'highway option.' "I suppose I should explain to you all, Mr. Schue included, what has happened in the last week. When we left for summer break last year, everyone was content, happy in their relationships and families. That seems to have fallen apart this year. So I devised a plan to fix it."

"He pretty much declared himself the Love Guru, though I think he's done a pretty damn good job," Santana added, resting her head on Brittany's back, as the blonde girl had perched in her lap.

"I didn't plan every detail, obviously, but I made little suggestions here and there, and slowly weaved a web to push everyone that needed to be together, together. Mercedes and Sam happened of their own accord though, which was nice, Chang squared broke up with little-to-no pushing, and obviously, I didn't write anyone's speeches for them, though this little activity was my idea.

"I suppose the point of this little speech was, despite Noah's earlier comment, I want each and every person in this room to be as happy as they can be. So I decided to take matters into my own hands." Kurt finished with a confident smile. "Oh, Santana figured it out, I told Mercedes, and Blaine knows, obviously." After a moment's pause, he continued. "Now, I believe it is my turn to sing, and I brought along a special guest."

Gesturing to Brad and the band (who had once again seemingly appeared out of thin air), Kurt lowered the lights of the choir room, and flicked on the spotlight he'd had the (ever-abused) AV Club set up for him. Nobody was extremely surprised when Blaine's voice started the song, but the actual song choice surprised them. It seemed to... sexual for Kurt.

**Why, why, why...**_  
>Oh, ooh, ohh<em>

**There you are, in a darkened room  
>And you're all alone, looking out the window<br>Your heart is cold and lost the will to love**_**  
>Like a broken arrow<strong>_**  
>Here I stand in the shadows <strong>_(In the shadows)_**  
>Come to me, come to me<strong>_**  
>Can't you see that<strong>_

_**Nobody wants to be lonely  
>Nobody wants to cry<br>My body's longing to hold you  
>So bad it hurts inside<br>Time is precious and it's slipping away  
>And I've been waiting for you all of my life <strong>__(ohh)**  
>Nobody wants to be lonely<strong>_**  
>So why<strong>_ (why)_,** why don't you let me love you**

**Why **_(ooh ohh yeah)_,** why **_(oh why)_, **why**_  
>Ooh ooh, yeah<em>

_Can you hear my voice, do you hear my song  
>It's a serenade, so your heart can find me, ohh<br>And suddenly you're flying down the stairs  
>Into my arms, baby, ohh<em>

**Before I start going crazy** _(Going crazy, ohh)_**  
>Run to me<strong>_  
>Run to me<strong><br>Cause I'm dying...**_

**Nobody wants to be lonely  
>Nobody wants to cry <strong>_(I don't wanna cry)_**  
>My body's longing to hold you <strong>_(I'm longing to hold you)_**  
>So bad it hurts inside<strong>_**  
>Time is precious and it's slipping away<br>And I've been waiting for you all of my life**__ (ohh)**  
>Nobody wants to be lonely<strong>_**  
>So why<strong>_  
>Why, why don't you let me love you<em>

**I wanna feel you need me **_(Feel you need me)_**  
>Just like the air you're breathing<strong>_ (Breathing)  
>I need you here in my life<strong><br>Don't walk away, **__don't walk away_**  
>Don't walk away, walk away<strong>_**  
>No, no, no, no...<strong>_

_Nobody wants to be lonely**  
>Nobody wants to cry...<strong>_ _yeah, yeah_

**Nobody wants to be lonely **_(Yeah ohh ooh)_**  
>Nobody wants to cry <strong>_(Nobody wants to cry)_**  
>My body's longing to hold you<strong> _(Is longing to hold you)_**  
>So bad it hurts inside<strong>_ (Hurts inside)**  
>Time is precious and it's slipping away<br>And I've been waiting for you all of my life**_(Ohh)_**  
>Nobody wants to be lonely<strong>_**  
>So why<strong>_ (Why)_, **why don't you let me love you**_  
>Let me love you...<em>

**Nobody wants to be lonely  
>Nobody wants to cry <strong>_(Nobody wants to cry...)_**  
>My body's longing to hold you<strong>_ (I'm longing to hold you)_**  
>So bad it hurts inside<strong>_(So hurt inside)**  
>Time is precious and it's slipping away<br>And I've been waiting for you all of my life  
>Nobody wants to be lonely<strong>_**  
>So why<strong>_ (why)_,_** why don't you let me love you**_

**Why **_(why)_,_** let me love you  
>Why don't you let me love you<strong>_**  
>Why,<strong>_ love you,__** let me love you**_**  
>Why <strong>_(why)_

Watching them perform was hypnotizing. They chased each other in and out of the spotlight, Kurt beginning the song in the dark, and ending in the heat of the light with Blaine. Kurt lunged for Blaine's lips the moment the song ended, and everyone cheered as the two kissed.

Pulling away with an electric smile, Kurt said "Well, that was fun." Understatement of the year, in his opinion, but the club had certainly seemed to enjoy their performance.

"Thank you, Kurt." Tina was the first to speak up. "As a mostly third-party observer, you saw things about us and our relationships that we would never have seen otherwise."

"And, speaking of third-party observers, I must just say, you make a much better Christina than Blaine does a Ricky." Rachel added.

"Oooh! Burn!" The glee club hissed, then laughed. Finn grabbed Rachel first, then enveloped them into a big hug, Blaine included. Mr. Schue just slipped out of the room. Obviously, his work for the day was done.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, that's a lot longer that I expected it to be. New chapter of Meet the Warblers will go up soon, and the Power of Musicals too, possibly. **

**For texting: **_Italics is Kurt,_ **Bold is Blaine, **and Underlined is Mercedes.

**Songs Used:**_  
><em>

_'Do You Know What It's Like'_ from Zanna Don't  
>(<em>Itialics is Mike, <em>**Bold is Steve, **Underlined is Kate,_**and Bold Italics is Roberta**_)

_'Everyday' _from High School Musical 2  
>(<strong>Bold is Jesse, <strong>_Italics is Rachel, __**and Bold Italics is Both**_)

_'Footloose' _from Footloose

_'You Oughta Know' _by Alanis Morissette

_'The Fear'_ by Lily Allen

_'Where We Land' _by Ed Sheeran

_'For Good'_ from Wicked  
>(<strong>Bold is Kurt,<strong>_Italics is Rachel, _and Underlined is Mercedes. I also did combos.)

_'Everytime'_ by Britney Spears

_'Nobody Wants to Be Lonely'_ by Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera  
>(<strong>Bold is Blaine, <strong>_Italics is Kurt, __**and Bold Italics is Both**_)

**If you're really **_**that**_** interested in the seating chart for the final scene, it can be found here: circle - Photobucket at (minus spaces): ****albums /k617 / heavenhelpmyheart/ ?action =view & current = circle. png**

**Reviews are love.**


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